Jeez it has been a long time since I have written anything on this site. I look back and wonder why? I know why. Partly it is because I was feeling lazy, partly because I really didn't have anything to say and I didn't want to write anything that was negative, and partly because I was too dang tired. I would stay awake a lot of evenings, but find myself on facebook or playing mindless games because I just needed relief from my day-to-day actions with my children. The wee hours of the morning would be the time I would find myself finally being able to relax and I didn't want to spend my evenings reflecting anymore or writing about my daily chores. I just wanted to be done.
So, a quick update from my last post (which was who knows when), my baby has been baptized, had a birthday, and has cut another tooth. My oldest son's t-ball team scored 4th out of 31 teams. Pretty dang good for his first year of city league. I was happy for him, and happy that he was excited about the 4th place. The games were sometimes too intense, and I would find my husband reminding himself that his son is only 5 years old. This is not professional ball. Let them have fun! My daughter is still being a silly little girl, getting into my makeup, coloring her body and bathroom floor, and begging to do ballet (along with gymnastics and soccer). She is socially becoming a terror. She knows who is weak and is bossing them around school, getting other kids into trouble, while looking all sweet and innocent. A major manipulator. I am really trying hard to figure out how to break this habit before she starts Pre-K this fall.
Right now, we are in the middle of swim lessons. I signed the kids up for the last 2 sessions at Westwood and I am amazed at how much they are doing now. We have another 2 weeks to go, but part of me is tired of going swimming every night for 1-2 hours. Yes, the lessons are only 30 minutes, but we go earlier and stay a little later to get some extra practice time in. It is just wearing me out, as we do not have an evening meal. We snack before and after swimming. This is definitely not helping me maintain a diet.
Finally, I have basically started typing again today because I am so frustrated with my husband, my Dad, and my family. I love them all, but I cannot make them all happy. The problem is that my Dad has Parkinson's and is going in for the first of three surgeries the first week in August. This is the part of the deep brain stimulus where they drill the holes into the skull, add the electrodes, and thread the wires down his neck. Yes, it is a scary procedure. Yes, it will take 6-8 hours, but the good thing is that he should only be in the hospital for 1-2 days after the procedure.
But then there is my husband. He is wanting a vacation of just the 2 of us. He wanted to take me somewhere over New Year's, but after looking at various places, he was not happy with the prices he was seeing. Of course it is more expensive, it is the holiday season. So the opportunity has arisen the first week in August. The older two kids will be with his parents, the baby will just be starting daycare, that means that the children will be cared for during the day. The catch - we would have to leave the day after dad's surgery and come back 6 days later.
I am so torn. My Dad, of course, wants me there the whole time with him while he is recovering. He is scared and very anxious about this first procedure. He gathers everyone around him when he gets like this and I totally understand and get it. IF anything went wrong, I would want my family with me as well. We are prepared for this, it is called travel insurance. I would have no qualms about not being able to go, if it meant that my Dad really needed me there. But, there is my husband. I married him to love and support. He is really wanting to go on a vacation and has been obsessed with Disney World ever since we got back in February. He has been planning out this whole thing, arranging care for the kids, he just forgot that Dad's surgery was the same time. Thus, the leaving the day after the surgery. He is understanding and willing to stay home as well if there is a need. He feels that this is also an elective surgery, not life or death. True. This is a procedure by choice because Dad is at the end of relief that the medicine can provide for him. Dad didn't get to pick the surgery date, the doctor did. Jeff's parent's also picked the time that they were best available for taking the older two kids for a trip. If his parents could take the kids the 2nd week in August, then there would be no problem, but we do not have that option. I want to go on the trip. I want to be with my Dad. I really want to spend time with my husband, but I feel responsible for supporting my father.
In the end, I see my future as being I will be wearing myself out trying to see my Dad as much as possible before the surgery. I'll spend all day at the hospital with him until I am kicked out. Then I'll go with my husband to make him happy, while sneaking calls back home. I'll also go and see Dad the day after we return. Also note, that my older kids will be so disappointed that we went again without them, that we will be buying some pretty big guilt gifts for leaving them behind. I've got enough guilt going on about this whole thing, I have filled a cauldron.
OK... I'm done with this tantrum.
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