I couldn't sleep last night. Too many things were going through my head as to how my schedule would be for today - all the while making my boy feel extra special because he is 5 today. How is that possible? I know I was there when I gave birth to him, but it doesn't feel as if he has really been mine for 5 years. Is he really that old? Then my mind flashes forward to how my sister must feel with a 14 year old. Now I know why she worries so much. I have so many questions now. What will my boy look like at that age? What attitude will he have then? Will we have our early morning cuddles whenever he is the only one awake with me at 6am? I know the answer on that will be "no," but I can dream.
I also cannot believe I am still a mom. I never really cared if I was married, or had children, until the day I met my DH. I knew that day we met we would be together and have a family. Just like I knew my first child would be a boy. (Although I never told my DH this until after a year of dating.) But I guess I just don't feel as if I am OLD enough to be a mom. I guess I feel as if I have been playing a game so far in my life. There are many times I feel as if I am still a young teenager with a very extended babysitting gig. I get to play, relax, and not care if there are adult reponsibilities. Then reality crashes in and I realize I have to be the one to do the dishes, the laundry, the bathroom cleanings (although my kids do scrub the toilets very well for me), and the bill paying. I wonder - how did I get to this point? When did this game turn into the real, adult thing? I don't feel thirty-something. I'm really not a mom. I'm young. I'm energized. I'm ready to don my going-out clothes and hit the clubs dancing the night away. I'm................ what's that in the mirror???? Damn - reality sucks sometimes.
4 comments:
I don't have the kids to deal with, but I too forget that I'm 34. Except for my butt (and everything else) being bigger, I think I still look the same. I'm just more inclined to sit happily at home, still love to go boogie though.
Are we 34? I keep forgetting too. Well, except when I see the kids that are 21 or 22 and think "was I ever that young and dumb?" I keep hoping that I wasn't but I know that I was. If only I could go back with what I know now...
I feel exactly the same way. A guy I knew in college asked me on Facebook why I look so young for my age-I told him it's because I don't realize how old I actually am that often.
As your older sister and you see how time flies with your kids, the only advice is relish in the moments that they do want to be with you and cuddle. I am having such a hard time with my oldest being a freshman in high school and her social life has take away from the family time. It is going by so fast and I miss my little girl that would talk and cuddle with me about anything. So cherish them while they are young because as they do get older they want to spread their wings and fly. Just hope you have pointed them in the right direction. Love-Sis
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